Four Insights to Help You Conquer Imposter Syndrome

Look at the expression on the presenter’s face in this image.

“They have no idea what I’m talking about.” “I don’t know what I’m talking about.” “I shouldn’t be giving this presentation.”

Does this feel familiar? Maybe talking to a room full of executives, stakeholders, students. Maybe that’s the expression you get when it’s your first day at a new job. Maybe you’ve started a new business and that’s the look of “I don’t know what I’m doing. What have I gotten myself into? I’m not qualified for this.”

This topic has come up a lot for me recently. It’s almost as if the universe was telling me that I needed to write about this. It’s something that so many queer men struggle with on a daily basis, and even when we think we’ve got it under control, life happens and it rears its ugly head. I’m talking about Imposter Syndrome.

When I was working as a Career Development Facilitator, a new Facilitator was brought in to help develop curriculum and co-facilitate for the new Workforce Development program we were running. Imposter Syndrome kicked in for me on the day that I met him. He was highly experienced with Workforce Development and had all this knowledge and technical training. He used terminology that I’d never even heard of before. The learner in me was fascinated by the knowledge and the potential to learn from him, but Imposter Syndrome immediately kicked in. I’m not qualified to facilitate this program. I don’t have these same skills. To combat how I was feeling, I jumped in and decided to proactively learn what he had to offer.

Here’s the thing I realized. He didn’t have experience working with marginalized individuals, and that’s where my experience was valuable. As a facilitator, I’m very hands on and I love engaging with the people I’m facilitating. I also facilitated in a way that showed I had experience working with marginalized groups. Then I realized that we were actually the same. He used highly technical language that conveyed the same thing that I did practically. That realization helped me see that we can complement and learn from each other in a very powerful way. And that perspective helped me conquer Imposter Syndrome.

I suspect much of the reason why this unwelcome guest keeps showing up in our lives is because of our time spent in the closet. However long that was, we were pretending to be something we were not. We didn’t feel safe to be ourselves. Whatever the reason, what matters is what we can do about it.

Here are some insights that worked for me, and others I have had the pleasure of engaging on this topic including clients.

Call It Out

Seriously. Get it out of your head. When it starts to show up for me - and it still does - even as a coach, I say “Oh, you again.” When you start doing it, you get really good at not letting it past the front door of your mind. The longer you ruminate the worse it gets. This invasive creature has had lots of experience. It know how to catch you off guard. The second your doubt starts is when you call it out.

Call It Out with Someone You Trust

Expose it. This creature thrives in silence. Tell your trusted ones. Not only will you call it out in front of others, those others will give you evidence why you’re not an imposter, sending the syndrome back from whence it came. Which brings me to the next insight.

Reframe

Show imposter syndrome why it’s wrong. You have the evidence. You need to do this as soon as you call it out. Do not wait, or it may start to creep its way back to the front door of your mind. If you are starting a new job and are feeling that doubt, as yourself if you have you started a new job before? How did that go? If this is your first job, you have started something for the first time before … university, a new sport, a new relationship, dating for the first time.

Take it a step further. What became of that thing you did before? How did it shape the person you are today? What lessons did you take away from it?

If you are struggling to find answers, which can happen, then reframe with someone you trust. Get the evidence from them. I’ve done that and let me tell you, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of the answer! Why? Imposter Syndrome is shrewd. It may have gotten inside your head just enough to cloud your judgment. It’s a lot like when you’ve been staring down a problem and you are hyper-focused on it for such a long time and then someone comes along and says, “Have you tried X?” You feel stunned because you just can’t figure out why you couldn’t see such a simple solution.

Practice Makes Perfect

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome is a muscle that needs to flexed, especially if the struggle is affecting you on a frequent basis. Get yourself an inventory of successes. Write them down. Try it with situations where the stakes are low. For example, identify one of your strengths and identify how you have used that strength before. Maybe there is a new skill you would like to learn but you don’t think you are capable of it, like learning how to use Microsoft Excel. What new skills have you learned before? Those new skills are your evidence.

Flexing that muscle will help you to prepare for when Imposter Syndrome starts lurking on your front door again.

How does Imposter Syndrome show up for you? How does it hold you back? If you need help sending this creature back from whence it came, let’s talk. Book a free discovery session with me by clicking below.

Or sign up at my private Facebook group, The Authentic Space, where you can discuss Imposter Syndrome with other queer men.